The best advice I could ever give to a new mother is the same advice my dad gave me.
"It's your baby. If you want to feed him solid food, you can. If you want to put sunscreen on him, you can. You don't have to do what the books say... do what you think you should do."
Before anyone has a heart attack and takes this too far, please know that he also added... "You have to suffer any consequences that come along with your decisions, too... just keep that in mind."
Baby books and message boards are meant to be a good, but basic parenting guideline. It didn't take us more than a week of parenting to figure out that everyone, and I mean everyone, has a different opinion, method AND advice on raising children. Not opinion, method OR advice. Everyone has all three and they are all different. Very quickly, Jerry and I decided that we needed to do "what works for us" with William or we would have lost our marbles.
Recently, I've dropped out of message boards and parenting forums due to the absolute stupidity and ignorance of others. I am firm, and secure, in the belief that each parent should do what they think is best for their child. What happens on these message boards, however, is mothers get onto soap boxes and judge the methods and practices of other moms and it starts unnecessary tension and arguing. It is really sad to me. Most importantly, some of these people start giving out, what Dr. Lanthier would consider, really, really bad advice. So instead of asking doctors what your baby should be doing and should be eating and how they should be sleeping, moms are seeking help from any random person who has the free time on their hands to answer. BAD idea. But what do I know?
I know I chose to breastfeed my child.
This does not mean I am a breastfeeding Nazi. You know the type of person I am talking about. Would I recommend breastfeeding? Of course I would. Am I sad and disappointed when I see a new mom giving up on breastfeeding? Of course I am. Do I think a lot of moms give in to formula too easily? Oh yes. Do breastfeeding mothers need support? Definitely! Do they need places to breastfeed their children in public without feeling judged? Yes! Breastfeeding is a choice and a very conscience one. It takes a lot of work and a lot of patience and A LOT of time. Surprisingly, breastfeeding also takes a lot of courage. Few people can whip out their boob in public and be comfortable and it is shameful to expect a breastfeeding mother to use a public restroom to feed their child... ew, disgusting. It is not something that works for everyone though. Especially working mothers... and it is okay! It is unrealistic to ask every mother on planet Earth to nurse their child for a full year... just like it is unrealistic to ask everyone to eat six servings of vegetables everyday.
I know I was formula fed and I am healthy.
I will not nurse William until he can verbally ask for it. At some point, probably around 6 - 9 months, I may make the switch over to formula and I will not feel bad or guilty about doing so. I think it is inappropriate for anyone to make me feel bad or guilty about this decision. I was raised on formula and I hardly ever get sick, I'm not deformed and I do not have psychological problems. I'm also not overweight nor do I have any allergies or asthma. My child will be healthy too, mostly because I will make him play in the dirt and be outside instead of on a video game console.
I know I was put to sleep on my stomach and I am still alive to talk about it.
I let my child nap on his stomach. Since all the baby books say he can die from this, I make sure I am awake to keep my eye on him and I do not put him to sleep at night on his stomach. But where are the smarty pants people who can answer this question... what should I do if he flips himself onto his stomach in the middle of the night? If you think I'm waking up to make sure he's still on his back, you are CRAZY! If you think I'm flipping a sleeping baby over to appease the baby books, you are CRAZY! There are 4 million births in the United States each year and 2,500 SIDS deaths each year. That is 0.0625% of the children born in the United States.
I know babies cry and sometimes they cry a lot.
And it's okay. Sometimes they even cry themselves to sleep. The reason moms get so flustered over sleep methods has to be because they are jealous some moms are getting the sleep they so desire. I've seen too many people going bananas over letting children cry themselves to sleep. If the cry it out method or the Ferber method worked for one family... GREAT! If it doesn't work for you, don't use it. There is no need to judge a parents method of getting their baby to sleep or to tell them their child will be "psychologically damaged" because of how they put their child to sleep. You don't know that! And, it's not really your problem. What works for some people, may not work for you. I hope that's not a surprise because ignorance actually does psychologically damage children. I want to know what these crying Nazis do when their child is screaming their heads off in the car seat... do they (gasp!) take them out of the car seat to soothe them while the car is moving? There isn't always a place, or even time, to pull over...
I know I hate pacifiers.
With a passion. I HATE pacifiers. I almost, shamefully, gave into using them. Man, that first month was rough... crying, crying, crying! But William spit out the pacifiers that I (gasp!) attempted to give him... thankfully. We figured out a way to soothe him without the pacifier. I will never tell another parent how to pacify or soothe their child, nor how to wean them from it. I will, however, continue to quietly be disgusted by the toddlers who still walk around with a pacifier in their mouths.
I know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Being a professional who has seen close to 300 families, I can, without a single doubt in my mind, tell you that children are mirror images of their parents. If you want your child to behave a certain way, you need to model it for them. Will they make mistakes? Definitely. But how children learn from these mistakes will also be modeled and learned from their parents. You need to be the best person you can be around your children while showing them that you are also human. If you hit yourself in the head when you are upset, expect your child's teacher to ask "Have you noticed your child hitting himself when he is upset?" during parent conferences... and please don't act surprised.
I know I am not perfect.
This sentence was hard enough to write... please don't expect further explanation. Baby steps. =)
That being said and all joking aside... these are my own opinions. It may not match up to your opinion because that is the nature of opinions. All I ask is for moms everywhere to please stop judging each other. Please stop giving each other medical advice, if you think something is wrong with your baby, go to the doctor. Most importantly, if something doesn't work for you, don't do it. It's your baby, you are allowed to raise him however you please!
... but remember, you have to deal with the consequences!
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